Falling
by JacquiJack
Summary: MY FIRST FIC! Jackie wonders why she still loves Kelso after all the times he cheated on her. Takes place in Season 2 when Jackie finds out about Laurie.


I can't believe this is such a big deal to me.  
  
I mean, let's face it, you're no Prince Charming. You're far from it. I should have expected this from you. You're a horny teenager. All you care about is sex. Not feelings. Not emotions.  
  
Not love.  
  
When I first saw you making out with Pam Macy, I thought it was because we hadn't slept together. I mean, you liked making out and all, but as I said, you're a horny boy. You needed to go one step further. So after I forgave you, after you landed yourself in jail, I gave myself away.  
  
Away to you.  
  
So there. We had done it. I was your first, you were mine. You were getting some "action". What more could you have wanted? Why did you need to start fooling around with Eric's skanky sister Laurie? What was that slut giving you that I wasn't?  
  
More importantly, what were you getting out of it? You had me, you didn't need that whore. All you got was a few minutes of "pleasure", which you would have gotten with me anyway.  
  
But this isn't about sex. I don't give a fuck about the sex. The point is you hurt me. You broke my heart and I can't believe how much it still aches. The point is I cared for you. I loved you. I still love you. And I thought you loved me too.  
  
But I was wrong.  
  
You hurt me. If you loved me, you wouldn't need all the Pam Macys and Lauries. You wouldn't need all the secret make-out sessions and make-love sessions. Because you would have me. And I would have you. And that's all you should need. That's all you should want.  
  
That's all I wanted.  
  
That's all I still want.  
  
But deep inside I know this can't be. Because I still love you. I'm still in love with you. And you may say that you love me, too, and that Laurie means nothing, but I know you'll never change. You're Kelso, it's just the way you are. The way you'll probably always be.  
  
I'm not dumb. I mean, sure, people like Eric and Hyde might like to have a go at me because I'm beautiful and a cheerleader, but I know when I'm being played.  
  
The fact is, I might love you till the day I die. And I might forgive you, and take you back. But I know another Pam Macy or Laurie will come along, and you'll bone her and then pretend that I'm your only.  
  
And there's only so much I can deal with.  
  
You shouldn't mean so much to me. You shouldn't be able to hurt me so much. I mean, you're just another shallow ex-boyfriend. You should be easy to get over.  
  
But you're not. How come?  
  
When I first began seeing you, I didn't think I would fall for you so badly. I don't know why I fell for you. All I know is that I did.  
  
And I'm still falling.  
  
But I know now that you'll never be there to catch me. No one can. I just have to wait until the fall ends and my feet are safe back on the ground and I can look at you without feeling all the hurt, anger and sadness.  
  
Without feeling the love that was once there. The love that is still there.  
  
So I'll put on a brave face, go down to the basement and make snide remarks at you. And you'll pretend that they don't hurt.  
  
But we both know the truth.  
  
The truth - it hurts sometimes. It hurts like hell. Watching you kiss all those women, that hurt like hell. And being in love with you hurts like hell too.  
  
And the hurt's still there. Every Friday night, it's worse. Looking at all the material things you bought me, it brings the pain back.  
  
It should be easy, getting over you. I mean, when it comes down to it you're just a teenager with good looks. You shouldn't mean so much to me. I shouldn't let you mean so much to me.  
  
But you do.  
  
You mean the world to me, and I don't know why. I mean, I'm popular, there are a lot of cute guys out there who would kill to go out with me. But I don't want them. I only want you.  
  
You. The guy who broke my heart into a million pieces a million times. The guy who would passionately kiss and have sex with girls behind my back. I only want you.  
  
Why?  
  
Because I'm still falling in love with you.  
  
So I ask myself when I'm going to get over you and actually move on. Put all the hurt and pain behind me and carry on with my life.  
  
When's the fall going to end? 


End file.
